Wedding Vows for Edwards

Believe it or not, Edwards had a selfie stick. He got it in an event SWAG bag. One night I grabbed it and forced him to use it. I can't believe he looks happy about it. I'm using this picture because... this is us... him always easy and happy, and me always a pest, like Iris. 

I’ve wanted to rewrite my wedding vows to you for many years. I need to alter them from how much I love how you make me feel, to what it is that I love about you. Obviously those things crossover and can be equally as wonderful, but I can’t believe I never helped you see yourself through my eyes. You have been a delight to discover and here are a few of my favorite surprises.  

Dogs love you. Superficially, this is cool and funny, but the fact that dogs love you isn’t superficial. It means something. When dog packs let a member be the alpha, it’s because they trust him. They recognize that this dog is the smartest, the most collected in an emergency, the most cunning, the most fair, the strongest, and the most concerned for the welfare of the pack. That is who you are. Watching dogs recognize you as the obvious alpha, taught me to draw strength from you as well.

I love how athletic you are. I love that you can play team sports without ego, and I love that you can go solo without fear. I love that wandering through life, you can be a bit “Clark Kent,” but when the pressure is on you become Superman. I also think it’s truly brilliant that you have played and experimented with sports and sports diets your whole life and turned it into a career. Selfishly, your athleticism gives you a smoking hot body that I admire every day.

You are thoughtful. There’s something about how direct you are that makes you seem like you wouldn’t be and yet, I come home and find immune support supplements when you know I’m suffering from a cold. When I ask for space while PMS runs it’s course, you give it to me but also buy a beautiful plant for our home. I say I want to go to Nepal and you plan the entire trip. Your friends would say the same things. I recall Phil’s tearful toast to you at our housewarming when we were first married… Phil knew you’d give him your last cent if he needed it. Really, you stretch far beyond thoughtful. You are selfless, you are generous, and you don’t keep score. Not a single day has gone by in our marriage when I don’t value this in you, try to mirror it, and remember to be grateful for it. 

You are an adventurer. No matter how much I snark and moan about the dirty, woody, weedy, steep, rocky, rainy terrain you have taken me over, these are my fondest memories. The rock walled field that lead down a steep, wet trail to an amazing spot on the coast of England where we climbed in hats and jumpers on rock that looked like poured wax… I wouldn’t trade that for anything.  The long day in Nepal when we ventured to Kala Patthar and then hours back down to the Nepali Clampetts’ guesthouse with the toilet full of frozen feces and the bucket "shower"… I’m glad to have taken my body to the max. Every visit to Moab, St. George, Red Rocks, Tahoe, or the Yellowstone basin… perfection.  This is what you promised me. You vowed to explore life with me and give me adventures. On this you have more than delivered. And while I know where you take me won’t be easy, it will be unforgettable.

We’re at eight years together. I’m lucky. You are better than me and I know it. Sometimes I abuse it, sometimes I remember to appreciate it, and sometimes I try to make sure you feel lucky too. I know I’ve never really settled into being the perfect wife. I let my alarm go off for an hour every morning… you never complain. I broke the stone vase your parents gave you when I was hula hooping in the house… you barely winced at me. I’ve pushed you away and pulled you back in. I’ve crashed around the house with my singing, my cleaning, my running from this to that… and you’ve always moved around me. I love that about you. You let people orbit you. You don’t make them land or learn to live in your atmosphere. What a gift you have given me… to be free when I want to be and wrapped in your arms when I need to be. 

After writing all this for you, my love, I’m going to make the same vow I made eight years ago. You are special. You are rare. I admire you. The most important thing I can vow to do is respect who you are.  To never ask you to change and to continue to fall more in love with you every day. Thank you for the adventures. Lick, Kiss, Bite. I love you, Romney. 

(For Valentine's Day, I dragged myself out of my flu bed and went to Huntsman Cancer Center against the "no sick people rules" and our better judgement. I needed to give him his gift. This year, I rewrote my vows to him. I intended these to kick-off the next phase of our marriage, the phase where he got better and our love deeper. He said it was the nicest thing anyone ever said about him, a tremendous admittance from an understated man. Since this blog started when we eloped, this is the place to put my update. I wanted him to know how cool I think he is, I was able to give him that. Now I want others to remember a handful of the things that made my husband incomparable. This list is in no way all-inclusive.)   

Birthday Challenge 2012

Edwards just completed his 2011 Challenge and it inspired me to get thinking about my own. I think the focus of a birthday challenge doesn't have to be physical, but should be something you know you need to work on. As I have obviously let my writing skills wane, I decided to do a writing challenge. Of course, Edwards thought I should do something physical too. Here's the whole of it.

1. 350 words or more every day for 35 days. I can write on any subject, in any genre, but they should be creative and they must be 350 words or more (no coping out with a daily haiku). I might create a separate blog for this and I promise to post anything appropriate, but I don't promise that everything I write will be "appropriate."

2. Pull-ups. I know I did them for Edwards' 50th birthday, but I've been lazy and it is a skill I like to have in top-notch form. 35 "pull-ups" a day for 35 days. Starting on January 11, 2012. The reason "pull-ups" is in quotes is because I'm going to have to do ALL kinds of pull-ups to keep from getting injured: assisted, jumping, kipping, traditional, different grips... the works... anything is on as long as it trains the movement. I must come out of the 35 days uninjured, but much improved, because the REAL challenge is 350 pull-ups in 3.5 hours - one day to spread it out and get it done. I REALLY don't know if I can do this. All of these have to be kipping pull-ups. OUCH!

3. Rollerskating. I need to get better at rollerskating and I need to hang-out with my friends. Saturday night is adult "Flashback" at Classic Skating in Sandy. The session is only two hours, but I'm thinking I'll get there while the kiddies are still allowed and capture 3.5 hours of skating before midnight. I'll rent a party room, bring vegan goodness, invite my friends, get dressed up all "Flashback" style and ROLL into my 35 year with as much youth and joy as possible. I'll probably get a few blisters too. 3.5 hours... YIKES!

I'm excited!

Birthday Challenge Year 34. COMPLETE!

WOW! After my husband's 50th - I realize that the difference between 34 and 50 is not so much... both are pretty big numbers. No wonder we never notice the age difference; it barely exists.

The Raw Food Challenge was excellent because it took tremendous focus and was a good distraction from life. I also learned new things about flavors and cooking and enzymes. My skin has never been cleaner, nor have I ever looked so lean. It was also a favorable way to transition to veganism. Mostly, it was excellent because 34 days becomes a way of life instead of a short-time torture. It is clear that I can still decide to do something and get it done.

Now, the raw diet itself. It is amazing what you get used to… and what you don’t.

I got used to cold food, cold soups, heat in dishes coming from hot peppers, weird textures, unsweet "cookies", the smell of dehydrating kale with nutritional yeast seasoning, being low on salt, green smoothies, and chopping and preparing food regularly. I really did.

I did not get used to eating at home all the time, having to explain the raw diet, being in the kitchen for 2-3 hours a day, and MOST PAINFULLY… I did not get used to living without my morning tea ritual. I really didn’t.

Also, 34 days of a weird diet is easier than 36, and those two make-up days SUCKED!

But, I did it. 34 Days of RAW FOOD ONLY for my 34th Birthday. (accomplished in 36 days).

Even though I protest… I’m sticking with green smoothies, ground nut butter with fresh berries mashed in (eaten with salted green apples), and dining out at Omar’s. I’ll probably even make some raw dishes during the heat of summer. YUM!

How will I celebrate the end of my challenge? With friends and yummy vegan cupcakes for lunch!

Vegan - Sometimes - Vegetarian - Always

When it comes to eating meat, Edwards and I have been “localvores” for a year and before that we had cut out fish due to mercury and over-fishing. Because of the articles and books we read, and documentary films we watch, already our diets are relatively healthy, informed, and restricted. Then, one day, Edwards handed me a copy of the PETA magazine and I had a further change of heart.

The magazine didn’t tell me anything I wasn’t already vaguely aware of, but it heightened my awareness and gave me a solution to the largest problem to ever arise in my life: What to do about the death of Miss Manners? You will need to refer to my previous post about her death to understand the gravity of the situation, and the gravity of not having a clear legal solution to the problem – actually – any solution to the problem.

PETA offered a solution. Become a VEGAN. Something grotesquely violent happened to a member of my family and the only way to end violence is to stop perpetuating it. For this, I can start with the obvious. I can remove myself from behaviors that lead to violence against animals, or remove myself from the industrial meat and dairy industries.

Just like my ignorant neighbor, who seems to have not understood that it would be WRONG to beat a dog the way he did, there are innocent people who can no longer tell that their jobs are violent. This is not only terrible for the farm animals, it is terrible for the people who work in these environments. We should be able to live and eat in a world where the difference between right and wrong is obvious.

My decision to be vegan doesn’t end this, but it distances me from it. Free from food violence, I will also be able to focus on ending the violence I commit against people through judgments, critiques, and rude comments.

For my new lifestyle, I am constructing my personal vegan’ness around an end to violence, not an end to the use of animal products. If I hear of a local farmer with happy, free-range, hormone -free chickens who love the farmer and lay eggs for the farmer… I will buy and consume those eggs. Also, I do not believe the local honey industry to be violent, and local bees, help support local agriculture, so I will continue to enjoy my local raw honey. Finally, I can visit the farm where the dairy cows are raised and milked for the Raw Milk that is sold locally at Real Foods Market. This will remain a treat. I don’t mind the dairy industry when it is clearly nonviolent. The things I will be inflexible on… animal death. I don’t need to eat meat. I don’t need to eat an animal once alive, now dead no matter how it was killed.

I guess this makes me an always vegetarian sometimes a vegan. Meaning, when I have all the information I need to make a decision on the violence of an animals’ life, I will just be vegetarian, but when I am unsure of the violence surrounding how an animal was raised and use, I will be vegan.

I hope this makes me a better person and I hope this helps heal my heart of things that Manners' death brought to the surface. I miss, Miss Manners and I hurt for all the violence that the human race and animal kingdom have to experience every day.

* The above trailer is for a positive movie on the food industry. One that I enjoyed very much and was extremely informative. I looked for some shock-and-awe videos, but I couldn't watch them and didn't want to subject my friends to them.

NRG Soup

The first time I made NRG Soup it was not bad. Good enough to make again.

Tonight... not so much. My poor husband. He is so patient with my cooking and is now comfortably situated on the couched eating raw mixed nuts, after my raw mixed bag of semi-fresh vegetables and fruit soup.

NRG Soup

"Water" - cucumbers and lemon (I should have just used WATER like I did the first time)
Tomatoes
Onion
Habanero
Ginger
Garlic
Nama Shoyu (I should have just used salt)
Mint
Red Bell Pepper
Apple
Orange Juice

All really delicious ingredients, incredibly raw, and it does give you tons of energy. That is, if you can get it down.

I don't know what went wrong tonight, but it was just disgusting. I had a Lara Bar and - as I said - Edwards had some nuts.

I am afraid of the kitchen.

Only TWO MORE DAYS of RAW HOME COOKING.

Raw Pain of Insomnia

"Do you feel amazing on your raw diet?"

This is a question I get from raw foodies and raw foodie wannabes with incredible frequency.

Do I feel AMAZING? Um, no... I feel ALERT.

Having lived on and off in a terrible fog of muddling comprehension since I was hit by a car at 17, alertness is no small thing. It is, in fact, amazing. I feel strongly that clarity of mind is not something people should take for granted. Having spent half of my life working myself to exhaustion just trying to drowned out the sounds of a fluorescent lights so I can hear the conversation around me, alertness is like gold. However, after 30 + days, all of this ALERTNESS is starting to severely impact my beauty rest.

SLEEP has been my one and only survival skill for post-head injury life and I have always considered it a special gift that I can sleep anywhere, anytime, anyhow. Now, at the end of a long day, I go to get my eight hours of blissful, near death sleep and I am locked out by absolute alertness and a clear mind.

This might be fantastic. I really might only need five hours of sleep with such a clean diet, but the truth is... I miss it. I miss being asleep. I miss going to bed at the same time as my husband, and I miss enjoying only a few passing moments before I am dead to the world.

Maybe, if I keep my diet 50-60% raw, but introduce back in some nice hot "dead" food, I will keep my alert mind when I need it and be able to pass out when I'm ready.

Well, 2 o'clock a.m. seems to be my "reasonable" bedtime lately, so I only have another 2.5 hours to kill... maybe I can count on the Jane Eyre TV mini-series to knock me out again... that only took until 2:30 last night.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday... WEDNESDAY = Food to help me sleep.

Silly Delicious Cooking Class

One thing I decided would be good to do during my raw challenge is attend a raw cooking class. This is a pretty big deal for me having never attended a cooking class in my life and even somehow "missing out on" Home Economics in high school. Sure it is the last week of my challenge, but still worth it and I might learn something.

I didn't know what to expect, so much so that I didn't even think of the basics... a raw cooking class = Hippies. THE WEIRDEST OF ALL HIPPIES. 15 minutes into the class I leaned over and said to Joanna (It's a girl thing. I had to bring a friend), "The hardest part of my challenge is going to be sitting through this class." She said, "No, shit" or rather she would have said, "No, shit" if she hadn't given up swearing for Lent, so she probably really said, "I know, right?"

The students were "sincere" and the teacher was an adorable disaster. Had she only been a disaster, we would have left, but watching her stumble and bumble was cute and endearing so we stayed. I didn't learn much new (certainly not how to hold a knife or chop vegetables competently) but we did walk away with two delicious raw recipes. One of which we tried out at an impromptu dinner party tonight.

Pasta with Mushroom "Cheese" Sauce

Part 1: Pasta
Zucchinis, Radishes, and Carrots all Julienned. Set on paper towels to dry

Part 2: Basic Cashew Cheese
Cashews and water blended until very smooth

Part 3: Mushroom Cheese Sauce
Mushrooms
Olive Oil
Nama Shoyu
Cashew Cheese
Lemon
Nutritional Yeast
Garlic
Salt

Then you toss all this together and you have a miracle of delicious "Mushroom Alfredo Sauce" with "Pasta". True, this dish would be better in the middle of summer, but after 30 days of raw anything at home that is this flavorful is the best of treats.

Also, since Joanna is a brilliant dessert maker, we embarked on our first raw dessert. Chocolate Mousse with Strawberries and Cashew Cream.

Part I: Chocolate Mousse
Cacao Powder (we ground up Raw Cacao nibs in Edwards' coffee grinder, shhhhh...)
Bananas
Avocado
Coconut Water
Agave

Part II: Strawberries
Enough said

Part III: Cashew Cream
We took the left over Cashew Cheese and added Agave. YUM!

This was another miracle. A three layer dessert miracle. It looked almost exactly like this picture and tasted as good as you imagine.

Edwards said when I embarked on my raw challenge that some girls don't loose weight when they go raw because they eat too many nuts. Well, um, GUILTY! I consumed about 3 lbs of creamed cashews tonight and loved every second of it. Plus, I got to entertain friends over an amazing dinner, which is always the most gratifying part of life.

KIDS: TRY THIS AT HOME!

Oh and... I made the dessert again the next day in honor of Edwards'return home... the picture doesn't do it justice and you can't see the chocolate, but YUM!