Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Bad Habit


I woke up to this message from my wife, who is away at a conference in Baltimore. “I knew something cool was about to happen when I got all giddy about my new friend who did not want to sleep with me. So cool that now I cannot sleep without him.” Not sleeping in Baltimore probably doesn’t seem odd to anyone versed in the work of John Waters, but this inspired me to shed a little light on the story of us.

Lisa and I have always been inseparable, in the most serendipitous kind of way. We just didn’t always act on it. We met through our friend Marti, most randomly, and spent an entire night talking. She asked me to walk her home. Rae Dawn (my fixie) and I happily acquiesced. She was special, I could tell. But no moves were made. No info exchanged. We were both just out of relationships and I was quite content to be doing my own thing. Besides, I knew I’d see her again.

We’d meet randomly at hippie (Alchemy, our local coffee house) with Marti and the Gym Jones gang. We’d gravitate towards each other until we found ourselves alone, the others long departed, bantering endlessly about politics, social issues, music, bad (and even sometimes good) movies. The MST3K connection was too much.

“Let’s get back to this Mystery Science Theatre thing.” We opened our phones.

“Romney, like the Presidential candidate?”

“Edwards, like the Presidential candidate?”

Our first email interaction made me smile. She could write, too—an elusive talent in this day and age. And the banter exchange accelerated.

We transitioned to another phase with no hesitancy but plenty of reserve. I was referred to as her “bad habit,” which suited us just fine. We were single; and committed to stay that way. Ben heard her reference apologized. “No,” I said. “It’s perfect.”

But it wasn’t perfect. As much as we tried to avoid it, life was better as Romney/Edwards. Our resolve was weak. When one wouldn’t call; the other would. We accelerated. And this wasn’t a part of either of our plans.

“We should just get married or go back to being friends.”

A quip is all it was. But it, too, accelerated because we both knew that it was true. The problem was that we were good together. Really good. A different experience for both of us; one that didn’t fit into our immediate plans. We weren’t ready. The latter was enacted.

It was a disaster.

You can’t plan love. You can’t plan life. Not if you’re an explorer, anyways, and we were both decidedly that. So we switched to the former and nothing I’ve ever done has seemed so natural.

There was only one thing left to do….

31 comments:

bob said...

do you have any pictures of the two of you looking at each other?

edwards said...

Hey, in this one we're squinting! We do have some of us kissing. Want to see?

"I feel like Narcissus staring into the pool."

Romney, yesterday.

Isabelle Daikeler said...

I am so excited! This is amazing news. I hope I meet her sooner than later.

I am truly happy for you both; nothing like it, right? Finding your love, brings a very deep sense of calm, truth and light... you've got to live it, to know it.

NOT living it, several time prior, makes it even more obvious ;)

My heart goes out to you
Great way to start my morning!

I am due in 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daniel is kicking like a mad man, right now...he must be happy for you as well

Isabelle

misty murphy said...

holy shit. congratulations!

andrea pesce said...

OK, you're right. I hadn't read it. I actually thought it was some weird political bullshit. You married a Romney????!!!

Congratulations!!!!!
YAY!
Your parents must be stoked!

I'm calling you in the am. I'm super happy for you.

lynn said...

Hi Steve - Just wanted to to tell you that I was just looking at the photos on the romneyedwards2008 website and Trevor saw Lisa, pointed to her and said "princess." I'd never heard him say that word before, much less about anyone. So Lisa is Trevor's first princess.

brandon thau said...

Congratulation Steve! Looks like an awesome trip to Switzerland and life.

Brandon

brad rassler said...

Hey Steve --

Clicked on your blog today for the first time in a long while, and while I expected to be regaled with riffs about life (and the absurdity thereof) and training and health and more training, I was quite surprised to come acrossan offhand mention of your recent matrimonial merger. I'm somewhatsuspicious of the post, coming as it did on April Fools Day, and wouldn'tput an elaborately planned and consummately executed hardy har har past you, but it would appear that this is no joke. Right? If you've indeed tied the knot, many congratulations. If you've not, well,then congratulations all the same.

I've not yet taken that leap of faith (though Jane and I have been sanctified domestic partners by the City of Berkeley - a beginning!), I take note when longstanding holdouts take the plunge. For those of us who are accustomed to lighting out on two-hour trail runs that have us coming backhome well past the dinner hour, or more interested in spending Thanksgivingweek in West Yellowstone rather than with the in-laws in the Bay Area, hitching a life to another's can make for some interesting polarity management. By polarity management, I mean fine-tuning our ability to "both-and" life rather than "either-or" it. Judging from your writing though, you've got a pretty good handle on finding flow, and you've clearly got the endurance and energy to have your run and relationship too. And it's a given that you and Lisa share a love for human-powered movement in the great outdoors - which makes things easier as well.

In many ways, a union represents the most intense kind of training. I know few couples who can maintain peak performance without revisiting the fundamentals. As far as I can tell, there's no such thing as a steady-staterelationship. Jane and I fall out of shape, get "skinny fat," and have to work hard to get back to peak condition. It's a discipline. It's a climb with no summit. It's rewarding and frustrating at the same time, just like life. I'll continue to read your posts with interest, and I'll be keen to detect subtle shifts in world view and priorities, given this commitment to what I refer to as the most rigorous -- and rewarding -- training regimen of all.

All the best, and many good wishes,

Brad

Vicki Bennett said...

Congrats! I love it… hope my kids do the same thing. The web site is fantastic. Best to both of you, see you soon.

Amie said...

HEY LISA. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER MEETING ME AT THE GALLIVAN WITH ANNETTE LAST SUMMER. IT'S AMIE, THE ONE FROM THE SOUTH. ANNETTE TOLD ME ABOUT YOU WEDDING AND SENT ME THE LINK. YOU GUYS MAKE A BEAUTIFUL COUPLE. YOU JUST LOOK STUNNING IN THE PICS. I LOVE THE HAIR COLOR. JUST WANTED TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS AND HOPE TO SEE YOU AT THE GALLIVAN THIS SUMMER. ENJOY YOUR NEW ADVENTURE........

I WAS GOING TO REPLY ON YOUR BLOG, BUT I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT USER NAME, SO I DECIDED TO EMAIL.

TAKE CARE,
AMIE WINTER

Mike and Darby Doyle said...

Congratulations Lisa and Steve! Best wishes and many happy years together.

Cool pics of the Alps. Looks like you all had a great trip. Let’s get together again soon.


Best wishes,
Mike and Darby Doyle

candice said...

Congratulations officially! I am so excited for you both! What a
wonderful journey ahead. Wishing you both lots of love,
Candice

dana koon said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sarah rowland said...

Congrats! I'm so happy for you two. Love the website and video! :-

Peg wolfe said...

Hello, I am guessing that this messaage is going to Steve and Lisa! Can't tell by your email address.

My name is Peg Wolfe and my husband, Cliff and I have been friends with Don and Kay since before you were born! I have a son Scott and you and he played together sometimes but both of you were very squirrely and we kept the playtime short - very short! Ask your mother about that!!!

Anyway, congratulations on your marriage. You deserve the best; you have waited a long time for this so I am sure Lisa is everything you ever wished for.

With great affection for you both,

Peg

angelina kalianda said...

Steve, Congratulations on your marriage! Wow, putting an end to a long standing bachelor status, eh? Wow, caught me by surprise. I was going to send you a note last night and saw the video. What an awesome video/pictures. done very tastefully. what i was going to tell you: My friend (Michelle) and I are heading to Utah April 17 thru 27 for climbing and maybe one day skiing/boarding if still open. We are flying to SLC on the 17th morning. We are thinking to climb around SLC for a couple of days then head to Indian Creek/Moab and back again to SLC a day or two earlier and climb around there again before flying out. Now I'm not going to ask if we can crash at a newly wed home, but if you (and Lisa) can come out and climb with us that would be awesome!

dana vansteenvort said...

I AM SO TICKELED PINK FOR THE TWO OF YOU....
makes me want to buzz around the room in a tutu,
spread glitter everywhere ...
and eat cookies!!!
oxoxoxo
seriously, this is amazing.
congrats!
give a hug to eachother for me.
Dana

Landirs said...

Hey you wild and crazy loved ones (okay, can you tell I'm here with mom?)

We are reading our way through this crazy way of getting married and loving every minute of it...okay again...the 2 bottles of wine help!

We simply are in awe at witnessing this poignant love affair.

Hey Punk, how do I ever match "this match"?. Mom is looking at me in a really weird way right now..should I be worried? :)

AGHHHHGHHHGHHH..nevermind! You two seem fabulously happy and we are not only in awe, but in some ways insanely jealous since I simply can't figure it out (that would be Landirs speaking since Mom has obviously figured it out!) Okay..again and again. I'm the one struggling. However, this may be the coolest wild union we've seen and hope it spreads like wildfire.

Here's to eloping, blogging, drinking (what a surprise!)and sharing in this really great thrill for our whole family!!!

Love and happiness forever (that would be LYFE)!!!

See ya soon we hope,

Landirs & the 'ole (yeah right) folks :)

robin erickson said...

Lisa,

I DID NOT KNOW YOU HAD FOUND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. YOU ARE A DROP DEAD BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.

CONGRATULATIONS!
Robin Erickson

Debbie B said...

Heartfelt congratulations to both of you! Gert and I just celebrated our 10th anniversary yesterday... when you get that gift from the universe and find your bride, there is nothing better in life. I wish you happiness, health, and and all things beautiful.

joanne ratinoff said...

Steve:

My very best wishes to you and Lisa for a lifetime of happiness together!! Lisa is clearly a great woman and you chose well indeed (as did she)!

Great website/blog – very clever and romantic.

Joanne XXOO

kurt fainman said...

Congratulations, if you made this big a decision I am sure she is smart, beautiful, nice – the works. You really live in a nice place; I think we are going to just come out your way this summer. K

Luma said...

I just read your vows... and all I can say is that I'm VEKLEMPT. They broke the mold with you two, and all the peices fit together. I'm sooo happy for you!!!! xoxoxoxoxo
Sis (the elder)

lorena espinosa said...

Hey Steve! I just heard the happy news! Congratulations to both of you! Wishing you the best always!

Lorena

Matt Rush said...

Lisa,
Congrats! Cool web site. I'll bet the Mitt and John would have a coronary over the web site name!
I've been in Grindelwald once years ago...you picked a beautiful part of the world to have your ceremony...
Take care,
Matt

Matt Bruce said...

Congratulations Lisa!
You are so beautiful!
You look like you had a lot of fun.
Please keep me in the loop.

Matt Bruce

carl daikeler said...

Congratulations Steve!

She looks like she digs you, and vice versa... I am sure you approach this marriage thing much better than I did (in my first two). Now that I found MY ONE, it's always refreshing to see someone find theirs too.

Well done my friend!

Carl

Jessica Bergthold said...

Congratulations. Cannot wait to meet Romney! We've got some jaw dropping news of our own. We're
expecting a little girl in September.....I'm knocked-up and
shit....crazy huh?

Look us up if you're in Denver....

Jessica

jeff brown said...

well then, congratulations is in order!

and uh, welcome to the "dark side" >:-}

keli balo said...

Good for you! That is wonderful that you got married! Congrats to the both of you. Your pictures are great.

Jeff doesn't know what he is talking about, there is no 'dark side' to being married. It is always wonderful and pleasant in married land. (-:

Keli

paul dusatko said...

Congrats Steve!!!
She is a HOTTIE!