This raw diet isn't so bad. In fact, I think it is causing me to feel "normal" again. People ask if I feel any different, but I always say, "not really". However, I give that answer automatically compared to the me I was before Beata died. I really don't feel much different from the girl with her whole family. The truth is though, I can't compare to that girl because she has been missing for months.
I actually feel quite different from the me I was when I started the challenge 12 days ago. 12 days ago I was a disaster, missing and hurting for my family every minute of every day. Today, I am more at ease. It may have started with the distraction of learning something new (and all the dang food prep required for this diet), but now it might be healthy belly = healthy heart. I still miss Beata, Tuco, and Miss Manners, but it is beginning to be a warmer, softer, more loving feeling than the constant, crushing pain I had two weeks ago.
This is no small change. This is huge. I feel HUGELY different.
I think I've got to go one more step though. I've got to cut out wine and champagne. Not because I don't believe they are RAW, but because I get too drunk, too fast on this diet. I simply can't spend another night passed out in The John. That's right. I'm 34 years old and I just admitted to something shamefully undergraduate. Oh well, thanks to good company and wonderful friends it was totally worth it!
The challenge is hard. I miss hot food. I miss tea. I miss Indian food and Mexican food. I miss Cake Lunch. I miss going to restaurants. I miss interest in my food. I miss lots of wonderful things, but I am loving the cleanse. I have a lot of bad things to get rid of. Let's see how I do in the next 23 days!
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